finalflight | PSL; [It's bigger than us, it's bigger than everything]

Are you basing my musical tastes on my appearance, Hank?

[He raises a brow at him, lightly amused, before gently prodding at the radio again. As often seems to be the case, it's an awful lot of advertisements, interspersed with actual music now and again.]

I actually didn't dislike it. It's very atonal and aggressive, but in an interesting way.

Yeah, well since I'm already judging your taste based on your appearance, we might as well go with something you look like you'll think is even more interesting. I don't know...

[Hank glances away from the road a couple more times, just enough to eye Connor assessingly.]

Pop music? Or some kinda techno, maybe.

[wow hank, pop music and techno?

To be fair, he doesn't really possess any knowledge about what correlates between musical tastes and physical appearance. Perhaps that's merely something that comes from experience, from living, information garnered by people-watching and being a part of society for longer than 3 months.]

Why those genres specifically?

Well, you kinda look like you could step right into Leave It To Beaver and be right at home, but I don't know what those guys back in the '50s listened to. Probably pop. And techno, I don't know, there's something about it that's-

[Robotic, he realizes. It's always seemed to him like there's something robotic about it, in a weird, intense kind of way. That's why he made the connection. Would it be insensitive, saying that? Is that what he's doing now, trying to be sensitive?

Yeah, probably. Well, he's already started saying something, maybe he can figure out some other way to say it.]

Uh, repetitive, I guess. There's a pattern to it, that's kind of the point of the whole sound. Just figured something like that might appeal.

[Maybe someone else would've taken offense to the Leave It To Beaver comment (talk about a deep cut, Hank), but Connor simply takes it at face-value.]

The point of music as a whole is a composition made up of repetition, patterns, and harmony.

[He switches stations again. It lands on the synth sound of something from the 80's. Definitely the oldies.]

Or do you mean because the sound is synthetic, it may be of interest to me?

[No offense in that question, only curiosity.]

[Hank pulls a face and shrugs. You got him.]

I don't know, I'm just throwing shit out there, you're the one who's gonna have an opinion on it. Be glad I didn't suggest uh, you know, that thing where people make music outta old Windows noises, or from Nintendo games, or whatever all that stuff is. I can't tell you what to like, anyway, music's kinda personal that way.

But uh, I guess some of it might depend on what different sounds remind you of - places you've been, or things you've done. I know you're a grand total of, what was it, three months old? Jesus. But there must be some kind of noise you associate with a memory, some kind of experience that made you feel something.

[Because, yeah. Jesus, three fucking months, the guy's like a baby if babies were tall and pushy and vaguely passive-aggressive and probably capable of murder, but they kind of seem like they've been an exciting three months - at least the parts Hank was there for - so there must be something.]

[An exciting three months, indeed. Three months that have successfully etched an existential crisis into his core, making him pull away from all that he was. Faced with moral dilemmas and mortal danger alike.

Yes, exciting is one word for it -- but associations with music? He wonders if any of them would qualify as positive, given the nature of their cases.]

It isn't as if Cyberlife was keen on playing music in their elevators.

[Outside of work, that's it's all he ever knew. Cyberlife and its sterile, white walls. Perfect glass elevators. The slow march of armed guards. Sometimes the speakers in the lobby would eke out a stilted, chiming tune through the speakers, but nothing worthy of note.]

When I think of poignant experiences or feelings, I think of the cases we've worked together. And to follow this exercise in association, I then think of you. Which then leads us back to metal, where we started.

Hope that's a good association you've got with me, there.

[Hank gives a wry smile.]

But uh, just keep flipping the channel, stop if you hear anything that catches your ear, and maybe we'll make some new memories ourselves. I don't know, sneak into a concert or something.

[Speaking of memories, that one makes Hank's smile come back, briefly.]

Of course it's a good association. Well, mostly.

[The last addendum is added with his own wry little upturn of a grin, and he changes the stations a few times more. But to be honest, his curiosity has been pulled in the direction of Hank's suggestion.]

Why would we need to sneak into a concert?

[Connor smiling at him is still weird. He'd have to think about it more to figure out why, but it's a good weird, anyway, so maybe why doesn't matter. What does matter is educating Connor on the finer points of teenage rule breaking. Connor never got to be a teenager; this kind of petty crime's probably okay, Hank figures, if it's to give Connor life experience.]

Well, sneaking in to hear a band kind of matches up that band with the memory all on its own, but if it's need you wanna talk about most concerts sell their tickets online now, don't they? Even a lot of the scalpers do it online these days. Unless we can find some really small, weird place that takes cash we might have to do it that way.

[Connor is blissfuly unaware of being signed up for Teenage Shenanigans at Hank's behest. He knows that technically sneaking in is not exactly legal, but the other's explanation makes sense, and to be honest, he would like to experience it someday.

He'd like to experience a lot of things, he thinks, if he's given the chance.]

Then we'll find something. Add it to the figurative list of items to check off, if we're embarking on an extended road trip.

[The station lands on something instrumental, something shaped like jazz, erratic rhythms and soulful melodies. He pauses, considering.] You also listen to this, don't you?

Uh, yeah, sometimes.

[Okay. He knows he's all Connor's got to base this whole human experience thing off of right now, but he's still got to at least kind of say-]

Don't put too much stock in what I like, but uh, yeah. You saw the records at my place, right? Those were Sara's, most of them, but she let me keep em after, uh, after she left. This kind of music's pretty good, if you're in the right mood.

Hey, maybe we could find a jazz concert to sneak into, everyone'll be too chill to stop us.

Yes, I remember seeing your collection the first day I was in your home. [The day he broke the window and tumbled in like a harried thing, wanting to make sure Hank was all right. Slapping him awake and dumping him into the tub, dousing him with cold water. Connor, forever great at building upon first impressions.] Just as I remember your claim that you can tell the difference between analog and digitally compressed music — I guess your jazz records would’ve been vital in proving that, if we ever wished to test this claim.

[Hard to tell if that’s a joke, a little jab at their conversation from before. Or if he’s quite serious about this curiosity, intending to one day see if Hank really can tell the difference.

But Connor’s quiet for a moment, listening. There’s something about it that he cannot quite… describe. As if words do not stick, can’t work as proper labels to describe this music and the conjuring of something it creates. Perhaps he would better be able to quantify it if given proper associations to go hand-in-hand with the compositions.]

I think I do like it, though.

[Hank glances over a few times to watch Connor listen and a soft, proud look spreads slowly over his face. Is it stupid to be proud over something this small?

Nah. Connor liking something all on his own isn't small, and Hank is proud.]

Yeah? Good. Good. I'm glad.

[His fingers tap on the wheel in slow time with the notes of the song and he looks over at Connor again, raising his eyebrows.]

What's this about testing, though? It that hard to believe I've got skills?

[As always, Connor is pleased to have pleased, but this time it is born out of something more sincere -- a personal preference, or the beginning of one.

The music fills the car for few lingering moments more, and there's nothing more between them than the sound of rhythm and the quiet hum of the car moving along the road.

But when Hank speaks, Connor looks at him, arching a single brow in a mirrored expression.]

It isn't difficult to believe. But I wonder if you were stretching the truth, just a little, to prove your point.

[He huffs, amused.]

Guess this is what happens when your best friend's an interrogation bot.

[Hank bites his lip, realizing what he just said, and keeps looking out ahead of him at the road. They've hardly even known each other that long - but as far as Connor goes, hardly that long is kind of a big slice of his life, and as far as Hank goes, Connor's seen parts of him in that tiny little slice of time that no one else has tried to touch for years.

Maybe it's okay. It takes him a couple seconds, but Hank decides to act natural about it.]

Well, go on, interrogator, lay it on me. What was it that piqued your suspicions?

[He's admitting nothing. Yet.]

Edited (typo) 2018-08-16 20:11 (UTC)

[Hank might try to keep on talking like the remark was nothing, but this is Connor. Connor, who might as well be a police hound who caught the scent of something far more interesting, takes a figurative right swerve in that direction to eagerly follow it.]

You consider me your best friend?

[hi THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT]

[Hank opens his mouth, takes a breath, darts his eyes toward Connor with a little frown. Of course Connor isn't going to play along with it, why does he expect Connor to play along with anything?

Not that this is on the same level of last night. Jesus, thank god. It's not the hardest confession Connor's ever hounded out of him. But it's just- It's embarrassing. Hank tilts his head one way and then the other, like the uncertain gesture might cancel some of that feeling out.]

I know uh, you're not- You don't even know what friend means yet, you haven't uh, haven't had time to figure any of that out. So I don't wanna, uh, assume or, or pressure you, or anything.

[Why is he so fucking flustered? This isn't highschool asking someone to the prom, this is a friend thing, but friend things are supposed to happen naturally. Being asked outright like this, it kind of makes him doubt his welcome.

He doesn't even remember the name of his prom date. Maybe a friend thing's a bigger deal than prom, anyway.]

But I, uh- I mean... Yeah, I guess I do. But you uh, you don't have to, uh...

[Stop. Stop? Shut up. Shut up, Hank. What is coming out of your mouth, it is just, it's the stupidest shit.]

[It's too late, Hank, look what you've done. Connor is latching onto every word as an explanation, but they all come out clumsy and strangely flustered. Did he embarrass the Lieutenant by asking? Maybe he was too forward, too eager, and Connor realizes, belatedly, that he's leaning forward a little bit, trying to parse Hank's response.

He leans back, confused about something that he's said.]

Why do you assume that I don't know what qualifies are friendship? [His LED flickers twice, circles around once.] I've already been considering you my friend.

[Hank is... the only friend he has, really.]

[A corner of Hank's lips twitch up for a second.]

Well, there's that. I guess I uh, it's hard to tell what you've got figured out and what you don't. But, uh- I guess there's... degrees, when it comes to this friend stuff. Sometimes it's hard to figure that part out. And different people expect you to act different, sometimes, depending on how close they think you are, in their head.

[Is he making any sense? Explaining friendship itself is a little easier than trying to figure out how to say 'if you don't want to make big old bff-forever bracelets together that's fine' but he's still he's still all flustered and he's not sure how whatever he said's gonna translate in Connor's brain.]

But uh, I didn't mean to uh, assume. That you didn't know what you were asking, I mean. Sorry.

[God, this is so awkward. The only relief from this is that he gets to stare at the road and focus on driving rather than on feeling like a gangly awkward kid in a full grown, middle aged man's body.]

Edited (i'll try to stop nitpicking XD) 2018-08-16 21:33 (UTC)

[Connor continues to watch Hank’s face closely, even if the other man keeps his eyes centered on the road before him. It doesn’t matter; from his profile alone can he sense the tiny twitches of expression, and a cursory, silent scan reveals levels of mild... what? Anxiety? No, that’s too penalizing of a word. It still seems more like embarrassment, like he’s touched upon a subject that Hank might not have been ready to pursue.

But here they are, anyway.]

You’re the only friend I have.

[Connor isn’t the type to throw a pity party, and he certainly isn’t doing so now. It’s merely a statement of fact.]

And I trust you implicitly. I would think that says something for the “degree” of how I view our friendship — unless that’s just one-sided?

No. No, it's not.

[Hank lets out a breath.]

But I guess you don't have much choice there, do you? I mean, look at us. Look at what we're doing. If you want to be free, you don't have much choice but to trust me.

['Uncomfortable' is kind of too tame a word for what that makes him. Whatever it makes him, it shows on his face, in the tightening of his shoulders and his grip on the wheel.]

That's why I've been pushing you to uh, with the music and picking a place you want to go, and all that. Part of why. I think if uh, if you learn about some shit, meet some people, you'll have more to choose from than just... me, you know. If you want. I mean, it's not like I have to trust you with the safety of my whole... my whole self, I guess. That part's kind of one-sided.

[He understands that. He knows that Hank wants him to expand his horizons, because it's been obvious -- asking where he wants to go, what he wants to do. What kind of music he likes to listen to. He could put all that together before even now, but hearing confirmation gives no room for doubt.

And it's also true that Connor is reliant on Hank right now, that his safety is far more guaranteed while in the presence of another human who knows how to escort him around and who can give him advice on how to function properly as a "free" man (what irony, that an RK800 would need such assistance, given he was designed to work well with humans from the start). Yet there's something in the... framing of all of this that settles unwell in Connor. For a moment, he cannot figure out what it is. Tries to spin it all in his head, over and over, picking and pulling at meaning and implication.

His face twists into a frown, a slow, dawning kind of realization. But Connor doesn't ask directly this time; he tests the waters with a generalized statement, like someone casting a net out to see what's caught in the twine when they pull it back in. A man carefully watching for a reaction.]

So I might find someone else to be my own best friend, is what you're saying.

Um.

[Hank does actually look over at Connor’s face this time, trying - and failing - to figure out what Connor thinks about that. He taps his fingers on the wheel, too fast this time to be in beat with the music.]

Yeah. If you want. I mean - choices, you know?

[Connor's face is hard to read; it's taken on that expression of being focused on the other, the sort he wears when he's trying to puzzle out something.

At least it'll not be a new sight to Hank.]

Lieutenant... [The fidgeting -- the tapping -- continues, he notes. Maybe anxiety wasn't too strong of a word to describe whatever's mildly happening now.] Are you under the impression that I'm going to leave you one day?

[That might be an interesting way of phrasing the question, but, well. There's really no better straightforward way to ask.]

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