finalflight | PSL; [It's bigger than us, it's bigger than everything]

PSL; [It's bigger than us, it's bigger than everything]

((ooc; cont. from here))

[Anything happening within the walls of Hank's house is now being shattered by the blaring of the doorbell. Once, twice, a third time for a bit longer. Less an actual doorbell and more of a buzzer, a harsh thing that is sure to grab the attention of anyone possessing a heartbeat within. The very obvious sign of someone (a certain RK800 unit) at the door, hoping to find the Lieutenant at his home if he cannot be located at his usual haunts. The sort that serves alcohol, mainly.]

Lieutenant?

[The voice should ring familiar, if not slightly muffled by the obstruction before him. Connor stands waiting, straight-backed, staring at the closed door like the obstacle it is to his entry. The usual curl of hair that falls across his forehead sways in the breeze as he waits, only half-patiently.]

Lieutenant! [The downwards cant of his head, just slightly, eyes averted to the side; the look of someone listening for noise within.] Are you home?

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[Hank makes that same little noise again, a noise that'd wanted to be amusement but got kind of tripped up in all the other shit building in him. He ducks his head and presses the heel of a hand into an eye and stays that way.]

Takes one to know one.

[His voice comes out strangled and cracking and Hank takes a second, swallowing, to try and straighten it out.]

I just- I can't, okay? I'm not- I can't see things like you do, I... I can't handle things like you can.

What you're seeing is what you get, Connor. Sorry.

[Is he being unfair? For a moment, he wonders — Hank is right, he doesn’t process emotions the same way as Connor. Connor barely knows how to process emotion at all, so much that it’s now easier to let it all fall to his feet instead of keeping it bundled up tight in his chest, like he used to.

But his friend needs to know that he’s doing something good, because he’s inclined to be a good person. Because Connor might not always be around to tell him that.]

You think I’m processing any of this better than you? I’m afraid of what might happen, too. But that's all the more reason to tell you this.

Then you are processing it better, Connor. Cause you can think that and it pushes you, but me- If I can't deal with what you want me to in the first place, what makes you think making it a last request is going to help? Cause if you don't make it-

[Hank breathes, and wipes his hand in a sudden jerking movement across his eyes, and tilts his head back, breathing and staring up at the ceiling of the car.]

Just- Don't make it about that, okay? Don't.

Edited 2018-08-27 18:52 (UTC)

I wasn’t—

[Trying to make it about that. Trying to pry an acceptance out of Hank based on the fear of Connor’s death, or something similar. He’s not that manipulative, not with Hank.]

That wasn’t an image I was trying to put in your head.

[He watches him closely. The way Hank wipes at his eyes — that threatens to send guilt careening through his insides with its sharp edges scraping across every surface.]

Sorry, Lieutenant.

I know it wasn't.

[Hank takes slow breaths and blinks up at the ceiling, watching it blur.]

You just really want me to... to just say 'you're welcome' or something like that, right?

[His face twists a little, surprised at that plain assessment of what he would want.]

No. I want you to feel decent about doing good. About helping me.

[Connor can’t help but lean into his programming, tossing out a rudimentary scan of Hank. The results aren’t promising.]

...I’ve upset you more than I intended.

[When Connor says 'doing good' Hank closes his eyes, then hurriedly ducks his head and turns away, rubbing his hand over his face.]

Nah, it's uh, there's a lot there to upset. I know it's simple stuff, it's just- This is why I don't talk about shit, it starts out simple and then I make it weird. It's fine. It's not like you even want that much.

[He huffs very quietly, almost amused, as he realizes it -]

Guess not everything you want's that uh, that realistic, after all. You might have to come up with something else to want, for a while.

[He’s transitioned to closely watching Hank’s body language, and if there is one way to make Connor feel terrible about all that he’s said, this is how it’s done. He loses all hold of what he was going to retort with, whatever sentences were formulating in his mind, and some hilariously tiny part of him whispers — When did you become so bad at this? Made to read a room, made to lead a conversation in a direction before the other knows about it? Look at what’s happened now, despite all of that.]

I’m sorry. [-he repeats himself, and lordy, look at how he backpedals so hard. For all his stubbornness, this is how it completely unwinds itself and becomes useless.] Are you crying?

[Hank huffs, disbelieving and, you know what? Sort of actually, genuinely amused. Only Connor, huh?]

You know you're not supposed to ask people that, right?

[He's still turned away - as much as you can in a car anyway, so, not that much - but he kind of smiles, and rubs a hand quick and hard against the corner of one eye since Connor's blown his clever pretense out of the water.]

You're supposed to just like, pretend you don't know what you know and let things be awkward till they get their shit together.

I… Sorry.

[-he repeats uselessly for the third time. Another silence settles in, with Connor’s LED furiously betraying the fact that he’s trying to gather up just what to say.]

Take the time that you need.

[Hank breathes out, then straightens up toward Connor, watching him with a look that's wry, still sort of amused.]

Relax.

[He swallows heavily, then does it again, trying to follow his own advice.]

It's fine, Connor, it's just... It's just a thing. It's just a stupid human thing. I've just got a stupid human brain, that's all. Being human's bullshit, Connor, never try it.

[His hands make one last pass over his face, trying to make everything there into something normal.]

Is this you freaking out? Because if it is, don't worry about it. It's just some stupid shit, not the end of the world.

No. It isn’t that.

[It’s not like androids don’t possess the ability to cry, either. Though Connor certainly has never experienced the sensation himself, not having ever tipped past that point. Never crossed that terrible threshold in his few months of being alive.]

It’s only that I feel bad for pushing the subject too far. But even so...

[Even so, my point still stands.

He can’t bring himself to say it, not with Hank like this. He simply lets the words fade off and die.]

Hm?

[He looks at Connor, wondering about the end of that sentence, and then kind of guesses what it was going to be and looks away, leaning back against his seat and taking another slow breath.]

Ah, I don't know. You meant well. You wanted to help. It's just... You just haven't known me that long, is all.

[Hank's expression tries to twitch into something friendly and he reaches out to try and tap the back of his hand against Connor's shoulder, a friendly gesture. Don't worry, he wants the gesture to say, because with Connor being how Connor is Hank doesn't really want to risk saying it out loud. You'll give up on that shit eventually.]

[Connor will not shy away from such a gesture from Hank, though it’s hard to parse its actual meaning as anything more than reassurance. Easier instead to judge the nuances of it based on the look on his friend’s face.

He inclines his head just a little at him, in that apologetically scrutinizing kind of way.]

Meaning that if I knew you longer, my attempts would be more effective? Or that I wouldn’t bother at all?

[Okay, so Connor said it out loud for him. Motherfuck.]

Just that you- I make things weird, I said that, so there's not really a point. I know you just want me-

[You just want me to be happy, he thinks, and closes his eyes. Not even that much, Jesus. Hank swallows, takes a couple deep breaths, and opens his eyes again, staring at the side of Connor's chair, his jaw tight.]

I know it's stupid but I can't handle any of that right now, any more of it, so...

You can’t handle what, Lieutenant? A simple compliment? Reassurance that you’re doing the right thing and I’m glad for it?

[Even if he knows of Hank’s past, knows likely how difficult that can be, Connor simply doesn’t understand how he can’t accept even a little of it.]

Then what is it that you do want?

[Hank lets out a breath, irritated.]

Right now?

[He looks back up to Connor's face and actually thinks about it, and the question stumps him. He shrugs, his voice slower, defeated.]

I don't know, Connor. I don't know. I'd kind of like to be a functional person for a while, if that's alright with you. I mean, in case you forgot I probably ought to be driving right now, so being able to do that like a normal person for a little bit, that'd be nice.

[Which he can't do when Connor, the asshole, keeps trying to say things that touch Hank on a deep and personal level.]

...Right.

[Connor nods, not satisfied, but certainly feeling enough remnants of guilt to accept that answer. To remember, almost ridiculously, that the whole reason for them pulling over was so that Hank could rest. And instead, they’ve diverged down this path, introducing something to the other man that he probably didn’t want to process even on a good day.]

But you’re wrong. You’re supposed to be resting right now. I didn’t mean to continually interrupt that — give yourself maybe fifteen more minutes, or more if you need it.

[Connor reaches into his jacket pocket, and Hank should know all too well what he’s going for; that familiar coin of his.]

I want to stand for a little while, anyhow.

Yeah.

[Hank watches the coin for a second..]

Connor...

Thanks. For, uh, for wanting-

[Hank looks down at himself, taking a slow, almost steady breath.]

And uh, Sumo could probably stand to stretch his legs too so uh, feel free to give him a little walk.

[Hank doesn't look up. That's totally how he wanted to finish that sentence, right? Great. Much rational. Very eloquence. Wow.]

[The sentence goes unfinished, and this time Connor can’t quite garner enough to read between the lines. He waits, just long enough for Hank to change his mind to utter the rest of it, but when none comes — and the suggestion to take Sumo for a walk replaces it — he doesn’t press the matter. There was thanks in there; maybe he should be satisfied with that.]

Sure.

[Quarter tucked between two fingers and flashing in the light, Connor decides that he might as well leave Hank be and exits the car. He closes the passenger side door behind him, but does open up the backseat door briefly. Hank will hear an utterance of “come on, Sumo”, urging the dog to come out and join him.]

[Hank leans back and listens to Sumo hefting himself out and giving a bark once he gets out there, and Hank doesn't really try to sleep. It's not gonna happen now. But he stays in the car for a while anyway, turning his face away from the window and waiting until either Connor's gone a little ways away or until about ten or fifteen minutes have passed before he gets out. He rolls his shoulders, rolls his neck, looks up at the trees for a minute, then leans back into the car and grabs the carton of cigarettes there. It's empty, of course, but he leans back against the car and starts flicking its lid open and shut anyway, waiting for Connor and Sumo to finish up, waiting to get settled.]

[Connor and Sumo don’t go far — it isn’t like this is a park, or anything meant to really cater to people going out for a walk, so the two of them will always remain in sight. The pair of them are hard to miss, at any rate; sometimes there’s a glimmer of silver that catches in the sun, a quarter flipping up in the air or running along Connor’s knuckles, even from a distance.

Approximately fifteen minutes later and the two of them are ambling back towards where Hank is, and Connor doesn’t seem to be surprised that Hank is definitely not napping. He eyes the empty box of cigarettes.]

Manage to nap?

[He thinks he already knows the answer.]

My eyes are rested.

[He shrugs. It's not all the way a lie. He hasn't been looking at the road all this time, after all, and they say crying cleans your eyes out anyway, so, what the hell. Rested.]

Think of anywhere you want to go next? If you don't come up with something I'm going to have to show you something real crazy, like a nightclub or something.

[He keeps flipping the box of cigarettes open and closed, not looking away from it. He'll settle back into talking to Connor like normal, he has before - and he doesn't know how he feels about the fact that this is a pattern, now, but he'll think about that later, when he can afford to. For now climbing back onto an even keel would be fine.]

[Not a lie, but Connor sees it for the sidestepping that it is. But he’ll once more not press the matter; even Connor can only wrap themselves up in so much awkwardness before he feels like they need to reach their baseline of “normalcy” again.]

Well. You did mention the need for a disguise — mostly revolving around hair dye. We should pick that up when we’re able.

[The threat of bringing him to a nightclub neatly slides off of his android shoulders.]

Yeah, sounds good.

[Hank closes the cigarette box regretfully - a smoke would be great right now, really great, even if the only kinds anyone sells these days are shitty - and slides it back onto its place on the dashboard as he opens the door.]

Ready to go?

Edited 2018-08-28 15:55 (UTC)

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