[there's a faint smile at calling roche out, something cloud can appreciate. as if on cue, there's the banging of the man going down the stairs, eventually fading out as he'll unequivocally leave the apartment building—hopefully to never return. reflectively, cloud pushes back and presses against the back of the couch.]
Zack, he... died over a year ago. [his throat feels tight, but he says the rest with some kind of clinical steelness.] Died in the line of duty. Shot ten times.
We were best friends since the academy, even though he had a few years on me. When we ended up in the same precinct after I graduated, it was just... it was just really great. He was engaged, and he was looking forward to — to so much. [he looks up at the dark ceiling, his eyes glassy.] I was there when he died, protecting me, as always.
[he snaps his mouth shut after that, lips thinning into an upset frown, like he's trying to keep himself from downright sobbing. but he retrieves the usual calm soon enough, shaking his head, curling hands into fists on his lap.]
It makes sense, then. Why Cloud looks like he's about to fly apart, barely held together by what willpower remains in the wake of loss. He knows the feeling, as well, to lose someone important to him; though their traumas were made of different degrees of hurt, and even Vincent is not sure he can adequately compare his to Cloud's.
But that does not stop the swell of empathy threading through him. The pang of his own heart, to watch him struggle to speak of it. A part of him feels terrible for it, and guilt (that old friend) gnaws at his bones.]
...Yeah.
[He is. An asshole. In case that wasn't driven home enough.
Silence again. Chaos purrs beside him.]
Sorry, I didn't know. We don't have to talk about it if it makes you uncomfortable. I... understand. But-
[Ah. He's no good at this.]
At the same time, you could have told me earlier. I would've listened then, too.
[because cloud kept everything very close to his chest. the memories of zack felt too precious and too fragile, and at the same time he wanted to forget everything about it. which is why he moved to this part of the city, opposite of the area where it all happened. it takes him forty-five minutes to make it to tifa's for his shift, but he doesn't care; it takes him even longer to be close to anyone else who knows about it, who knew zack, who knows how it affected him. but it doesn't matter.]
[here, he can be alone, and he can easily bury away the shame and guilt deep inside his closet and forget it's there at all.]
I moved here to get away from... all of that.
[except that fragments of zack where littered everywhere. in the books with Z.F. written on the cover, the figurines that belonged to him, the movies that they'd watch together, the picture framed in his room. the unopened text message that cloud refuses, still, to check. hovering always on his notifications list. zack fair hey cloud! there's this before cutting off on the preview.]
[but zack would have said so many things, too, about keeping cheery, always doing his best towards others. which is why when he was giving the unlikely task of befriending vincent, he took it on in stride. what's the worst that could happen?]
You would have gotten along with him. [it takes him a moment, but cloud turns his face towards vincent, once he's sure he's not going to look stupid.] ...completely different energy levels, but he really liked fantasy novels. He didn't look it, but he read a lot. It was difficult for him but he wanted to publish a book one day. His own fantasy world, his own characters... that kind of thing.
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finalflight2020-05-21 12:59 pm
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Zack, he... died over a year ago. [his throat feels tight, but he says the rest with some kind of clinical steelness.] Died in the line of duty. Shot ten times.
We were best friends since the academy, even though he had a few years on me. When we ended up in the same precinct after I graduated, it was just... it was just really great. He was engaged, and he was looking forward to — to so much. [he looks up at the dark ceiling, his eyes glassy.] I was there when he died, protecting me, as always.
[he snaps his mouth shut after that, lips thinning into an upset frown, like he's trying to keep himself from downright sobbing. but he retrieves the usual calm soon enough, shaking his head, curling hands into fists on his lap.]
Roche worked with us. He's such an asshole.
no subject
It makes sense, then. Why Cloud looks like he's about to fly apart, barely held together by what willpower remains in the wake of loss. He knows the feeling, as well, to lose someone important to him; though their traumas were made of different degrees of hurt, and even Vincent is not sure he can adequately compare his to Cloud's.
But that does not stop the swell of empathy threading through him. The pang of his own heart, to watch him struggle to speak of it. A part of him feels terrible for it, and guilt (that old friend) gnaws at his bones.]
...Yeah.
[He is. An asshole. In case that wasn't driven home enough.
Silence again. Chaos purrs beside him.]
Sorry, I didn't know. We don't have to talk about it if it makes you uncomfortable. I... understand. But-
[Ah. He's no good at this.]
At the same time, you could have told me earlier. I would've listened then, too.
no subject
There wasn't much to talk about.
[because cloud kept everything very close to his chest. the memories of zack felt too precious and too fragile, and at the same time he wanted to forget everything about it. which is why he moved to this part of the city, opposite of the area where it all happened. it takes him forty-five minutes to make it to tifa's for his shift, but he doesn't care; it takes him even longer to be close to anyone else who knows about it, who knew zack, who knows how it affected him. but it doesn't matter.]
[here, he can be alone, and he can easily bury away the shame and guilt deep inside his closet and forget it's there at all.]
I moved here to get away from... all of that.
[except that fragments of zack where littered everywhere. in the books with Z.F. written on the cover, the figurines that belonged to him, the movies that they'd watch together, the picture framed in his room. the unopened text message that cloud refuses, still, to check. hovering always on his notifications list. zack fair hey cloud! there's this before cutting off on the preview.]
[but zack would have said so many things, too, about keeping cheery, always doing his best towards others. which is why when he was giving the unlikely task of befriending vincent, he took it on in stride. what's the worst that could happen?]
You would have gotten along with him. [it takes him a moment, but cloud turns his face towards vincent, once he's sure he's not going to look stupid.] ...completely different energy levels, but he really liked fantasy novels. He didn't look it, but he read a lot. It was difficult for him but he wanted to publish a book one day. His own fantasy world, his own characters... that kind of thing.