PSL; WHAT YOU GONNA DO WHEN IT ALL FALLS DOWN?

[supersoldier]

just face it.

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[supersoldier]

[He turns, at first equal parts amused and pleased that he’s won some kind of reaction, thinking that it can only be a fond embarrassment from Cloud, given the faint reddening of his cheeks. Sephiroth has already prepared that vague, telltale smile of his — as though he’s achieved a small victory in whatever scorecard they’re keeping that constitutes their relationship, when the other man says... that.

Sephiroth stills, blinking, looking as though he’s just been splashed in the face with cold water, while the admittedly very lizard part of his brain sends electricity up and down his spine.]

I...

[They’ve been living together for weeks and apart for years, and his body’s reaction to Cloud’s “request” is almost comically embarrassing, his heart already kicking its tempo up a notch or two. It’s only through the application of his steeled will does he manage to form words as a reply, his mind wheeling to process just what happened; the wording behind Cloud’s deadpan bluntness.

It isn’t the response he expected from flowers, for certain. (He won’t complain.) But he had kept himself restrained during the time they’ve been together for the sake of not overstepping boundaries, to not make assumptions about what Cloud did and did not want. He had no right, after disappearing like he did. It seemed tactless to hone in on physical intimacy when he didn’t seem particularly interested in pursuing it. Had he been wrong? Or are their wires still getting crossed?]

“This”? [What] The flowers?

[brain rebooting]

[coraza]

The flowers?

[equally so, cloud's brain is putting his one braincell on overdrive, a rather confused expression glossing over his features as he tries to understand where talk about the flowers is coming from. was he not clear enough?]

[he grabs at sephiroth's arms, at his wrists, stepping forward.]

It's been so long, I get it. [here we go. the intricacies of cloud's minds for sephiroth to witness.] Is it because you think of what I might have done with Rufus? We never had sex. [that's what it is, isn't it?] It shouldn't matter, anyway. I'm with you, now, and I—

[his grip tightens around sephiroth's wrists.]

You don't want to?

[has sephiroth resigned himself to a life of celibacy in those five years??]

[supersoldier]

[Cloud’s hands are warm against his wrists, firm and present, and it’s this contact that shucks him out of his hazy confusion. You don’t want to?, the man asks, and Sephiroth’s words come flying from his lips as though they were newly released from a cage.]

Of course I want to.

[Did that sound too overeager? Too breathy, as though his body has kicked itself into overdrive at the very prospect of pressing himself close to Cloud again, feeling him again in the way they used to? Focus is difficult to hold onto when faced with that possibility, but Sephiroth manages, keeping his look fixed on Cloud’s expression. Green eyes search blue.]

Rufus has nothing to do with it. [It’s a dismissal of that name, mentally and verbally. He has absolutely nothing to do with anything right now.] I thought you didn’t want to.

[Cloud can likely feel the muscles in his arms cording, his fingers curling in some autonomous reflex that is indicative of guilt, the faintest, threadbare anxiety born of his five-year departure.]

And I had no right to ask for it.

[coraza]

[it's probably a good thing that they're finally having this conversation, because cloud is very quickly realizing that it's not that there was a lack of interest on his partner's behalf—but rather, their mutual want towards their introverted nature withholding them from properly addressing the matter.]

Are you telling me— [the realization floods him, as he feels sephiroth recoiling back to that spot of guilt and shame, and his own hands move to deter fists from forming, keeping sephiroth's palms open and warm beneath his hands.] —that all this time we just assumed we were okay about it?

[stupid—foolish, really, the both of them.]

[comes to show that there are still obstacles in their relationship worth exploring, regardless of the five year gap (perhaps especially because of the five year gap).]

Sephiroth.

[hopefully grounding, cloud lets go of sephiroth's hands and presses his own against the curve of the taller's man waist, taking a few steps closer.]

We're together again. [—and that's everything to him—] I don't want to waste any more time just because we think we need the space. Because of, uh, penance, or whatever.

[he doesn't need sephiroth beating himself up over something that, while shitty, can be repaired together. he frowns and looks up, his lips pinched just so into a pout.]

Y'know what I mean.