[stiffly, at the comment of not being told that he was dating someone, cloud sits down on the couch, just barely managing to not make a mess with the coffee swishing about in his cup. he's not awake enough for this, but it grips him so tightly, so heavily in his chest all of a sudden. he can talk about this, right?]

...it was a get together. Just a couple of beers, a speech or two, a toast, nothing fancy. I hadn't seen the guys in a while since I, uh, quit the force.

[he finds his hands shaking, and so places the cup just on the edge of the coffee table, pushing it gently with two fingers before he tangles his hands together.]

I guess it just got to me. I didn't want to be alone, so — [a shrug, and curling his hands behind his head and to the back of his neck. the knot in his stomach persists.] I know, terrible taste. I just... miss him a lot. Zack. It gets bad some days, and Roche just knew how to read me for the idiot I was.